For Christmas, when I was about ten years old, my brother and sister, who were seven (twins) gave me an Uncle Wiggilyboard game. They were so excited about giving it to me—and with every right because the game is for 7 year-olds!! They played Uncle Wiggily all afternoon; they loved the gift they gave me! For me, it was one of those gifts you have to pretend to be happy to receive.
That was Christmas fifty years ago, but not only do I remember the feelings of the day, but our family then and the next generation of kids in my own family know exactly what is meant when we say, “That’s an Uncle Wiggily gift!”
I recently received a very generous gift, but it was given with both spoken and unspoken conditions. The person (not my wife!) had every intention of being generous—and was—but lacked the gracious spirit that should accompany a gift.
I was still appreciative of the gift, but I thought to myself, there is more to being generous than just giving a gift, so I thought I’d share with you just a few thoughts about how to be a gracious giver, not just a generous giver.
Give happily!
People give gifts for many reasons: obligation, coercion, habit, or social acceptability. It may sound strange to say, but I suspect that the people who give gifts because it makes them happy are among the best and most gracious. Sounds a bit selfish, doesn’t it. After all, my siblings were quite excited and happy about giving me Uncle Wiggily. Well, it shouldn’t be the only characteristic for gracious giving, but if giving brings the giver no joy, the gift is diminished.
Give for the joy of the recipient!
If they had just given me a new baseball glove, I would have been ecstatic! I will admit having to learn this part from my wife Sherrylee. I would have often bought gifts that I thought were great, if she hadn’t stopped me cold with the question: why would they want that? An honest answer would have been, “because I really like it and they should too,” an answer which would have revealed how little I was thinking about the other person! A great gift should be great to both the giver and the receiver.
Give without conditions
A gift with strings may not even qualify as a gift! What do you think about people who give at church—as long as everything pleases them, but then use their “gifts” as leverage to make things happen the way they want it to happen. These gifts are more like purchases of influence!
What about people who give to create a debt of gratitude? “Do you remember what I gave you? Now, I need something from you!”
Give with a smile, not a grimace!
I’m still learning a lot about generosity. Often Sherrylee is more generous than I am, so we give a gift that she gives with a big smile—and I give with a little smile. My smile has gotten bigger over the years as I watched her graciousness and the joy she brings to other people with her wonderful gifts. Learning to be a more gracious giver is one of her gifts to me.
Give your gift wrapped appropriately!
It’s not that the wrapping—whether literal or metaphorical—changes the value of the gift, but it does tend to reflect the care and thought put into giving the gift. The metaphorical wrappings for some gifts might be a special dinner, or a special moment, or simply accompanied by an expression of personal joy. Wrapping doesn’t have to be expensive to be especially appropriate.
“For God so loved the world that He gave . . . .”
He didn’t have to! He gave only for the benefit of the recipients! He only required that the gift be received, not earned. He gave out of pure love (while we were yet sinners), and He wrapped it in flesh and glory, so that we could recognize the glory that is ours.
Being a gracious giver begins with the realization that every good thing we have—even that which we think we have earned and own—every good thing is a gracious gift from a gracious God.
Thanks for sharing Mark. I think these are some great ideas to think about when giving.
Great post, Mark. It reminded me of several gifts I’ve given and received over the years. I recall being invited to a very girly-girl’s birthday party in 3rd grade. I agonized over what to take, and my mother kept asking me, “Would Tammy like that?” One of the best gifts I had gotten to date was a vise, followed closely by a set of masonry bits (I was a bit of a tomboy). As much as I personally eschewed pink and frilly, I opted to take Tammy a pink sleeping bag for her Barbie dolls.