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Part Two: Turning Pain Into Pleasure

August 20, 2010 by Mark Woodward

I dreaded Tuesday night! It was the night the LST staff committed to start telephoning our alumni to ask them to donate during our annual Harvest Call drive. I don’t really like talking on phones, I don’t like calling people I don’t really know, and I don’t like talking about money with people I didn’t want to call in the first place!  Most of you know how I feel!

I dialed 22 numbers in about an hour: nine were bad, six were not at home, and I had seven WONDERFUL conversations with people who had done Let’s Start Talking Projects as long as ten years ago. I had to be pried away from my phone at the end of the session.

I’m telling you this because I believe it bears on our conversation about the distress many Christians feel because they can’t bring themselves to share their faith actively as they really want to.  Personal evangelism and fund-raising belong to the same group of bad words.

In the last blog, I listed a number of rationalizations for not personally sharing your faith, so now I’d like to offer you some practical suggestions about how to avoid those excuses and allow yourself to do what you really want to do!

  1. You must make a decision about Jesus. If you don’t really feel like other people need to hear the Gospel story and that they must decide to put on Christ in order to participate in His redemption of the world, then consider yourself off the hook—you don’t have anything to say to anyone that will make a difference.  If, however, you do believe that Jesus is the resurrected Son of God and that only through Him does anyone have the promise of eternal salvation, then you are back on the hook—but you are more highly motivated.  So decide!  You will feel better instantly.
  2. Overcome your fears by focusing on others. No one wants to be embarrassed or rejected or belittled or even awkward.  Think about the times when you were willing to take big personal risks, however, for someone you love. If your child needs help, what door would you not knock on regardless of awkwardness or possibility of rejection? If your spouse had an emergency, what personal risk would you not take to ensure his/her safety? Love conquers fear—it’s a cliché, I know, but it is true.
  3. Don’t assume you know what others think or feel. If you assume that because someone does not go to church on Sunday that they are not a believer, you could be very wrong. If someone told you three years ago that they weren’t interested in knowing about your faith, things could have happened to open them up.  If people know that you love them, they will not be offended or react badly to almost anything you might say to them in love—even if they disagree.
  4. Start with people you are around! A friend of mine just decided to start speaking to the people she met each morning during her walk around her neighborhood. Then she started praying for the people she met. Next she decided to invite them to join her in a conversational Bible study in her home.   Another friend just decided to invite her colleagues at the surgery center where she works to join her in a conversational Bible study during their lunch hour.
  5. Make a plan for moving from casual conversation to spiritual. This is very important—and where many starting efforts fail! Starting a small group Bible study is an easy way because the purpose for your invitation is specific.  One can learn, however, how to listen for opportunities to open faith conversations, even in the most informal settings.  Asking someone who has shared a problem or concern with you if they would mind if you included them in your prayers. This is a good, honest way to start. You can offer to pray for almost anyone, including people of non-Christian faiths. I have never heard of anyone refusing such a gracious offer. And it might lead to a faith conversation. 
  6. Just start. That’s what I decided to do on Tuesday during the fund-raising call out! Even just dialing the first number made me antsy. Just like you in your first attempt at a faith conversation, I was glad when it turned out to be a bad number.  But I know that after the first genuine conversation you experience with someone who is glad that you talked with them about Jesus, you will be exhilarated and will experience the joy of sharing Jesus.

Of the seven phone conversations I had on Tuesday night, six promised to make a donation and only one said they could not! Almost no one becomes a Christian without someone they know (a family member or friend) telling them their story.  Talk to the people in your class at church who became followers as adults and my guess is that virtually ALL of them will say that they came to Christ because someone who loved them took the time to talk to them.

If you have the fire in your bones (Jeremiah 20:9), then give up trying to hold it in; you can’t. God is too good and you love Him too much!

P.S. The conversational Bible study material published by Let’s Start Talking in its Sycamore Series would be a great tool for you to use as you begin. (www.sycamoreseries.org)

Posted in Christian Missions, Other | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment »

Are You Looking For Pain Relief?

August 17, 2010 by Mark Woodward

Many Christians feel the painful tension between knowing in their hearts that other people in their circles need Jesus, and recognizing in themselves the overwhelming reluctance to do anything actively about it.

Motivational sermons make us feel even guiltier, instructional sermons don’t speak to our fears. Most of what is offered in our churches just makes us feel worse.  Typical churches today, probably concerned mostly with retaining their members, no longer talk about personal evangelism because it just makes people feel bad.

(Even as I write this, I find myself hesitating to use words like evangelism or personal work because they are not only outmoded, but also out of favor! Even the word mission hangs on a similar cliff of unpopularity.)

The Gospel story is so much about sharing, however, that this pain is still there, so we look for relief through less painful means.  For instance, tell me that you haven’t heard—perhaps even used—the following to relieve the pain:

  • Invite people to church, better to a social event at the building, and best, to something for their children.  That’s all you have to do.
  • Just live a Christian life in front of people, that’s enough.
  • Contribute to—at least pray for–someone else going somewhere else to share your faith.
  • Just do some good service in the community.

Don’t hear me wrong. These are all excellent activities for Christians, but if you are burdened with the passionate desire to share the story of Jesus with those who don’t know Him, these good deeds can all be unsatisfactory replacements.

What then would be required for you to find true relief from the painful tension of your heartfelt desire to share Jesus and the overwhelming reluctance to do so? What really keeps you from doing what you know to do and want to do?

Of course, I don’t know about you personally, but here are some ideas that I have thought myself and/or have heard from others attempting to describe what would free them to tell the Story:

  • I would be eager to share if I thought they really wanted to hear the story. I really don’t think they want to hear it, so I feel like my initiative is not welcome.
  • I would be eager to share if I thought I could share in a meaningful way. My fear is that I don’t know enough, or that they will ask me something that I can’t answer.
  • If they would just come to me and ask me, I would tell them. I just don’t know how to find out if they are even interested.
  • If I knew how to get from our daily conversation to a spiritual topic, I could probably do it, but I don’t know how to jump from one to the other in a way that doesn’t feel artificial.
  • I wish I had time to talk to people, but with all my (kids, activities, work, school), I never have a block of time to devote to it.  And doesn’t it take a long time to convert someone??
  • Isn’t this really the job of the ministers? I’m not really trained for it.
  • Isn’t everyone kinda already a Christian?
  • I know I should, but do you really think God is going to send anyone to Hell?  I don’t know if I believe in a God like that.
  • Politics and religion you don’t talk about with your friends or in polite company. That’s what I was taught.
  • I don’t want anyone telling me what to think, so how can I tell other people what to think?

Well, I’ve used all my allotted words listing our rationalizations—and probably could have used more. Search your own heart and add your words to this list, if you want.

With the next posting, I’ll offer you some better words, better options, and what, I believe, are true pain relievers for Christians who want to talk—but can’t.

Posted in Christian Missions, Other | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments »

Beware of Those Who Plant Ideas! A Look At Inception.

August 16, 2010 by Mark Woodward

I wrote a guest movie review of Inception for Tim Spivey. Go to his blog if you would like to read it. www.timspivey.com I recommend his blog to you for great articles on church organization and leadership.

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Mark 5: Who Are You In This Story?

August 14, 2010 by Mark Woodward

They went across the lake to the region of the Gerasenes. 2When Jesus got out of the boat, a man with an evil spirit came from the tombs to meet him. 3This man lived in the tombs, and no one could bind him any more, not even with a chain. 4For he had often been chained hand and foot, but he tore the chains apart and broke the irons on his feet. No one was strong enough to subdue him. 5Night and day among the tombs and in the hills he would cry out and cut himself with stones.

In modern terms, how would you describe this man?  Try staying away from psychological/pathological terms and try finding normal words for how someone in your circle with these symptoms might be described.  Here’s my attempt:

There was a Guy who had a pretty normal childhood, but somewhere along the way, he got into bad stuff—made really bad choices. It cost him everything!  First, he lost his family and friends; he had no one who could deal with his demons, so he ended up by himself.  Then he just went out of control—no boundaries, abusive, into stuff that damaged his body and soul. Sure, some people tried to help with interventions and rehab, but he could not be contained. He broke away from all of that, deeply depressed, and continuing to do destructive things.  No one saw any real hope or future for this Guy.

6When he saw Jesus from a distance, he ran and fell on his knees in front of him. 7He shouted at the top of his voice, “What do you want with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? Swear to God that you won’t torture me!” 8For Jesus had said to him, “Come out of this man, you evil spirit!”

One day this Guy is confronted on the streets by a random Jesus-person and it scares him to death! He first yells at this Jesus-person to get away, he threatens him and tries to intimidate him, but the Jesus-person just won’t go away. The guy says, “What do you want with me, man? You are killing me! I’m not like you. I used to be, but I don’t even remember what it is like to be like you—and it is too painful to even try!  Do you have any idea who I am?”

The Jesus-person says, “This is not who you are. You are full of the wrong stuff. Are you happy? Are you who you want to be?”

The Guy says, “I am who I am! I am nothing. I don’t know you, but you are killing me! Even if I tried, I can’t get back to where you are . . . . “

The Jesus-person replies, “You are right. Even if you tried, you couldn’t get back. But just listen to my story for a minute.” Then he covers the person with the love of God and the blood of Christ, destroying the old Guy and watching the creation of the New Guy.

As Jesus was getting into the boat, the man who had been demon-possessed begged to go with him. 19Jesus did not let him, but said, “Go home to your family and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.” 20So the man went away and began to tell in the Decapolis[c]how much Jesus had done for him. And all the people were amazed.

After a time, the Jesus-person needed to leave. The New Guy says, “I want to go with you! You are the best thing that ever happened to me—and I need you!”

The Jesus-Person replied, “I love you, brother, but you have a new task and a new message. You need to go home!”

The New Guy says, “There is nothing for me at home. Don’t send me away. I don’t have anyone!  I’ve hurt my family so badly, I can’t go back. They hate me!”

“You are not the same person. Go just introduce yourself to them again slowly. They probably won’t believe that it is you, but give them time. Tell them what God did for you!  Better yet, show them what God did for you. ”

“They will never believe me!  They’ll never love me again. They will never change”

Jesus-Person says, “That’s what you told me when I first met you. It is not you who will convince them. It’s the Story you are going to tell. If it can change you, it can change them too.”

So, of course, the New Guy went home—and what do you know—everything the Jesus-Person said happened. People were amazed.

Posted in Bible Study, Other | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments »

Talking To Kids About Movies: “Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore”

August 12, 2010 by Mark Woodward

Did you remember the Cats and Dogs movie from 2001?  This 2010 version is basically the same plot without so many humans involved in the film. Even a couple of the characters (Butch and Mr. Tinkles) are carryovers from the 2001 film, but it really doesn’t matter if you remember or not. The new rendition  is a pretty forgettable movie.

In spite of a few moments of homage to James Bond films (the opening credits), to the Hannibal Lekter films (Mr. Tinkles’ muzzled in Alcatraz), and to Mission Impossible (final scene), the plot is so slow and predictable as to be uninteresting for the parents and grandparents who must attend with the kids. The kids themselves may enjoy the action –but not all that much either. Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (2010) did not leave my grandkids talking about the film at all—and that is the litmus test for me.

Just in case your kids do want to talk about the film, let me make some brief suggestions about topics that could develop into good conversations for you.

1. Revenge : What do you think about getting back at people for something they do to you? Lots of literature and lots of movies use revenge as the primary motivation. I bet you can name five or six films without even thinking hard—but what kind of world do we live in if everyone seeks revenge for the wrongs done to them?   That conversation can stay in your neighborhood or go all over the world. Ultimately, don’t we come back to God saying, “Revenge is mine,” and waving us off of revenge (Romans 12:19)?

2. People often do bad things because of bad things that happened to them. I don’t think that excuses badness, but it might turn “villains” into real people rather than just cartoon characters. Why does Kitty Galore want revenge? What if that accident had not happened? Would she have been as evil?  Maybe if someone had apologized, or bought her a beautiful fur coat as penance, or just loved her ugliness more . . . . What action could have changed the direction of her life?

3. Cats and dogs can live with each other! You could take this topic into race or alternative life styles, but for my grandkids, I’d leave it just where it was in the movie—boys and girls! My three grandsons—all  under 8–delight in terrorizing any girl of any size! I don’t know where this comes from, but we spend a lot of time teaching that girls are not objects to be pinched, chased, used as prisoners, scared with bugs, etc. Just seems to me that the younger they learn to respect girls, the better off they will be.

4. Why shouldn’t people try to crush the opposition, people who aren’t like them, or don’t believe like they do? It’s always to create a better world, isn’t it! This may be for kids a bit older, but they do hear a lot of this “crushing” talk from adults. Think about the “crushing” type comments they might overhear from you about the opposing political party, about people in different economic strata, about foreigners in our country, about . . . . you fill in the blank. To honor and respect people VERY different from us is challenging. Kids need to hear from you that “crushing the opposition” is rarely a Christian virtue.

It’s not a great film, but if you see it, at least you now have a few ideas for pretty important conversations with your kids.  That might be worth it.

Posted in Christian Culture, Talking To Kids About Movies | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

God Is Behind Immigration!

August 6, 2010 by Mark Woodward

I can’t tell you how many times in my life I have heard someone say the equivalent of, “Don’t we have enough to do at home? Why do we need to go overseas? Shouldn’t we take care of our neighborhood first?”

When Sherrylee and I were newly married and committed to going to Germany with our newly-formed mission team, I asked a very prominent preacher whom I knew for help raising support. Without thinking about what the implications were, he said, “Man, if only you weren’t going overseas!” I mistakenly took this as criticism back then, but I know now that what he really was saying was that American Christians prefer to support local over foreign outreach.  Bad decision!

Remember how God allowed persecution on the earliest church in Jerusalem and “scattered” people, forcing them into other countries, even to the Gentiles (Acts 8:1,4,19-20). I don’t think He used the same technique with American Christians—although WWII was the real beginning (not the earliest) of foreign outreach in churches of Christ—but I do believe that He has worked in time and space in our day to wipe away our tepid excuses for not sharing the Good News with people different from us.

Look at this snippet from Wikipedia about U.S. Immigration:

As of 2006, the United States accepts more legal immigrants as permanent residents than all other countries in the world combined. Since the liberalization of immigration policy in 1965, the number of first-generation immigrants living in the United States has quadrupled, from 9.6 million in 1970 to about 38 million in 2007. 1,046,539 persons were naturalized as U.S. citizens in 2008.

If Christians hesitate to “go into all the world,” then why shouldn’t God bring all the world into our neighborhood?  It’s not punishment—it’s who we are and what we are about!!

Let’s Start Talking is best known probably for its short-term, overseas mission programs, but as early as 1990, LST was also training Americans to reach out to international students, immigrants, and non-English speakers in our universities and neighborhoods.  FriendSpeak is LST’s program for training churches to reach out cross-culturally in their own communities—and it is huge!

Rather than tell you about it, I want to give you a link to the Christian Chronicle which just ran an online article and asked for feedback from those who might have used FriendSpeak in their churches. Just click this link and you will see firsthand what can be done here at home for the whole world:

http://www.christianchronicle.org/blog/2010/08/reader-feedback-tell-us-about-your-friendspeak-experience/

Local versus Foreign—not even a legitimate argument anymore—if it ever was. There is only, “Who can I talk to today—and who can I talk to tomorrow—and who will talk with those people over there?  Sure, I will.”

Posted in Christian Missions, Other | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Obscure Tips for New Missionaries–and Old!

August 4, 2010 by Mark Woodward

Remember the young missionary couple that Sherrylee and I visited with Sunday evening. In the previous post (http://wp.me/pO3kT-5S), I shared with you some of the insights that I had during our conversation. But, I also promised to share with you the advice we offered that seemed to resonate with them.  Maybe it will for you as well.

  • Treat your team relationships like a marriage. Working on the mission field in a team is much more common than it used to be—and rightly so. However, most teams break up pretty quickly. The reasons for that are numerous—and worthy of its own post—so let me just skip to the conclusion: if you want your team to stay together, then you have to commit to one another like a marriage. If you believe divorce is an option, then you will likely divorce each other. If you do not believe divorce is an option, then you will struggle, but you will prayerfully find ways to make it work because it brings God more glory!
  • Don’t try to be more German than the Germans. When we went to Germany in 1971, I was pretty much prepared to wear lederhosen, eat brotchen for breakfast, and listen to polka music every day for the rest of my life. I knew all about fitting into the local culture. I’m so thankful for the German Christian who told us, “Don’t be more German than the Germans. I eat cereal for breakfast and would not be caught dead in lederhosen!”  Foreigners who over-identify with another culture are still foreigners—and often look pretty silly to the nationals.
  • Don’t pretend you are not an American! The very best missionaries that I know learned how to use their foreignness—their American-ness, if you will—in an attractive way in their new culture. To do this, however, you need a good local friend to help you know what is truly attractive and what is just being an ugly American.
  • Don’t wait too long to come home for your first visit. Our specific piece of advice was to come home for your first visits before you are so homesick that it skews your view of both of your homes. If you wait too long before you come home, then everything about America is too wonderful and everything about your new foreign home is where you were so unhappy! Both of those mistaken views can be avoided by not waiting so long to come home.
  • Read the Roman Catholic Catechism. This couple is going to a predominantly Catholic country, so it would seem obvious that they would want to know about the country’s religion. Surprisingly, many prospective missionaries assume that they will only be telling their own story, not listening to other people’s story.  Reading the primary source (Quran would be another example) is a way not only to learn, but to show respect for your new hosts.

And I just want to emphasize the value of going to the primary sources. Reading books about other religions always has a sub-plot—another agenda—so you can’t really know that you are getting the real story from them. The same is true even when teachers and mentors “explain” other religions to us. I have often cringed when listening to some self-appointed spokesperson explaining to the media or to a public class what my church believes. I’m sure people in other countries do the same.

  • Don’t believe everything that Americans tell you about your new country. I was once in a European restaurant with an LST team. As I would do at home, I put my napkin in my lap, but one of the LST workers who had been there for a couple of weeks already stopped me and said, “Don’t do that! That’s not polite here.”  I took it back out of my lap, but I then looked around the restaurant and noticed that everyone else in the restaurant had their napkin in their lap!  I turned and asked my friend where they had heard this information, and she said, “The American missionary told us!”  Since then, I have had lots of experiences with American myths about host countries, i.e., one American tells another American who tells another American. . . and either it was not true to begin with or it became unrecognizably altered in the multiple transmissions. 

I forgot to mention this last piece of advice to the young couple, but it is a short piece of advice that Maurice Hall gave to us back in the 70’s when Sherrylee and I were the young couple, new to the mission field, and asking for advice. Maurice was an early missionary in France after WW II and one of the last missionaries out of Viet Nam as Saigon was falling. He continues today, beyond his 90th birthday, to practice this advice. He said to me, “Mark, don’t quit!” That’s all, but I have found it to be extraordinarily valuable. I have shared that with many, many prospective and experienced missionaries around the world.

Let me end by sharing it with you: “Don’t quit!”

Posted in Christian Missions, Short-Term Missions, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Are Your Missionaries Prepared and Micro-Managed?

August 2, 2010 by Mark Woodward

Yesterday evening, we had the delightful experience of having a young couple for supper who are headed to South America in a few months as part of a new mission team.  They have received excellent training and mentoring, and they seem to have good churches behind them now, so it was a wonderful evening.

This couple did come, however, to visit with Sherrylee and me because God’s plan for us has included a lot of mission experience, not only our full-time experience in Germany and our short-term experiences with Let’s Start Talking, but also the many, many points of contact all over the world with mission sites and missionaries that we have experienced and observed over the last 40+ years.

But before I share with you some insights that Sherrylee and I offered them, let me tell you a couple of things that I learned from the conversation!

  • New missionaries today have myriad sources and resources for preparation and training. In the last couple of years, this couple and their teammates had been through extensive testing, counseling, cross-cultural training, discipling, and mentoring by people who are both experienced and educated (which are not always the same thing!).  They had gone to their prospective site and done on site research prior to their commitment to that site.  Churches sending new missionaries would be foolish not to require such preparation prior to departure.
  • American churches still believe they can micro-manage mission work in foreign countries, using financial models, success models, evangelistic strategies, and administrative models that they apply to their American church staff—maybe.  Even this young couple had stories to tell of ridiculous requirements imposed on them or their teammates by potential sponsoring churches.  (I’ll get specific about this in a later posting!) Maybe it is because new missionaries are often young, or maybe it is simply the American business model for God’s work, but my advice to all prospective missionaries is to simply bless and release any church that is trying to micro-manage your work. No amount of support is worth the grief that you will experience if unequally yoked to this kind of partner.
  • Both the young man and woman decided to do foreign mission work because of a short-term mission experience. The woman worked six weeks in Europe and the young man did an internship in Brazil. The direction of both lives was radically re-directed because of these experiences. Let me say this as clearly as I can: In my experience, virtually NO ONE enters the mission field without having a successful short-term experience first! Doesn’t it become obvious that to send more long-term workers, we must first send more short-term workers!

In the following post, I’ll continue with the advice that seemed most valuable to these new missionaries.

Posted in Christian Missions, Short-Term Missions | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Is Your Church Slipping Towards Unitarian Universalism?

July 29, 2010 by Mark Woodward

While we were in Vermont and Massachusetts last week, I saw a large number of Unitarian Universalist congregations, mostly meeting in buildings that were at one time Congregationalist churches.  I did some work on the Puritans a few years back, so I began thinking about the history of these churches—and I started to get a bad feeling.  Here’s the super-zipped history, so you can see why.

Although historically tied to the Presbyterian church, this new movement eventually separated themselves from that denomination. As they pursued their independent study of the Bible, they became convinced that the only true path to reform was to return to the practices of the first century church, including adult conversion and the pattern of congregational autonomy.

This new movement flourished, but with time, because there was no higher authority than the local congregation, the movement splintered into Arminianism (legalism), Deism (social gospel), transcendentalism (spirit-filled), and Unitarianism (liberal)—parentheses are my translation into 21st century labels.

I thought this could have been a description of Restoration Movement history to this point in time. If you feel that way too, then read on to see where the future might lie!

Within two hundred years of its beginnings in America, many of the most influential Congregationalist ministers were Unitarians (a belief in the singleness of God and a rejection of a trinitarian understanding, including a rejection of the exclusive claims of Jesus because He is the Son of God).

During this same historical period, the doctrine of universal salvation was at its zenith in America. Universalism teaches that a loving God would not create humans, then send them to hell or eternal punishment.  It is no surprise that after rejecting the divinity of Jesus and opening the doctrinal door to acceptance of everything under God, Unitarians quite easily moved into universal salvation as well. It would be the natural step following their move to a more syncretic understanding of God.

Today, these beautiful old church buildings in New England are no longer Christian churches; rather, they are filled with the great grandchildren of those early Restorationists.  Unitarian Universalists profess the following in their own words (http://www.uua.org/visitors/6798.shtml ):

There are seven principles which Unitarian Universalist congregations affirm and promote:

  • The inherent worth and dignity of every person;
  • Justice, equity and compassion in human relations;
  • Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations;
  • A free and responsible search for truth and meaning;
  • The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large;
  • The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all;
  • Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.

Unitarian Universalism (UU) draws from many sources:

  • Direct experience of that transcending mystery and wonder, affirmed in all cultures, which moves us to a renewal of the spirit and an openness to the forces which create and uphold life;
  • Words and deeds of prophetic women and men which challenge us to confront powers and structures of evil with justice, compassion, and the transforming power of love;
  • Wisdom from the world’s religions which inspires us in our ethical and spiritual life;
  • Jewish and Christian teachings which call us to respond to God’s love by loving our neighbors as ourselves;
  • Humanist teachings which counsel us to heed the guidance of reason and the results of science, and warn us against idolatries of the mind and spirit.
  • Spiritual teachings of earth-centered traditions which celebrate the sacred circle of life and instruct us to live in harmony with the rhythms of nature.

I want to think that my church could never slide down this path, but I do recognize some of these footprints in the road we are traveling.  I do believe that “those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it” (G. Santayana).

And if this is not what I want for my grandchildren, what must I do today?

Posted in Christian Culture, Other, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 7 Comments »

How To Have Friends For Forty Years!

July 26, 2010 by Mark Woodward

What does it take to stay friends for forty years?  As those of you know who are my Facebook friends, Sherrylee and I have just spent the last three days with David and Malissa Rivoire and Wes and Glenna Harrison, our co-workers in Germany from 1971-1979.  It has been sixteen years ago since the three couples were together at the same time and place, although we occasionally bump into each other at the Pepperdine Bible lectures or some mission conference.  This wonderful weekend in Vermont has just made me stop and think about friendships, so, if you are interested, I’ll share some thoughts with you.

First of all, in many ways, the six of us are very unlikely friends. David and Wes met at York College, then transferred to Harding their junior year. The summer prior to that transfer they worked on Campaigns Northeast, which I was on for the second time in the summer of 1967. Wes and I decided to room together—and I don’t remember whose idea that was—and it doesn’t make any difference.

Dave met Malissa (I don’t remember those details) and Wes met Glenna and the dating dance started for both of them with all the ups and downs. All I remember was that Roy Orbison’s “Your Baby Doesn’t Love You Anymore” was a popular song around our dorm room.

The fall of our senior year, we guys began talking seriously about what we would do after graduation, and we started talking about doing mission work somewhere together. With some guidance from Dr. Joe Hacker, head of the Bible department at Harding then, we decided to go to Germany two years after graduation. The Rivoires, then married, spent those years in Houston, and the Harrisons married the summer after college graduation.

I was still doing Campaigns Northeast every summer. That summer of 1969, a cute girl named Sherrylee Johnson joined us in Scranton, PA for the last two weeks of the summer. That’s where our story starts!

On September 24, 1971, the Rivoires and Woodwards left Houston for Munich, Germany—the Harrisons would join us about 16 months later.  We spent two years in Munich and approximately six years planting a good church in Hanover, Germany. God blessed the work in Hanover, but our work as a team began to end—perhaps a natural conclusion for such organisms.

The Harrisons moved to Kaiserslautern to work with the American military church. Sherrylee and I began making plans to start a Christian international school in Stuttgart, but it all fell through suddenly and left us without support, so we returned to the States quickly and unexpectedly in 1979. The Rivoires stayed in Hanover another four years, then moved to the UK and worked with churches there for ten years.

Since then the Wes has taught at Columbia Christian and is now at Ohio Valley University. David has preached for the church in South Burlington VT for sixteen years. Sherrylee and I spent 22 years at Oklahoma Christian and now the last nine in Fort Worth with Let’s Start Talking.  So what does all this say about friendship?

  • None of us were “soulmates”—those kinds of special friends that click at first sight and are on the same wavelength virtually all the time! We had to work at our friendships, but we did so because we had committed to each other for a season. Our years in Germany were not without conflict, sometimes serious conflict—often personality-driven, sometimes strategical—but we knew our little team was a little church and that we had to love each other because God had brought us together to do something together. So we did, until we felt that God had brought that season to its end.
  • We learned the strength in diversity. As we worked together, we discovered that each couple attracted different types of people and worked in different ways with those people, BUT instead of insisting that all of us—because we were a team–work in one way or with one group of people, we figured out how to work together and bless each other’s individual gifts.  That was a hard lesson to learn, though.
  • I learned that common experiences are what build relationships. Our experiences during eight years in Germany are the reason we met in Vermont.  And I believe that common experiences include common struggle, shared joy and pain, even mild embarrassment that those people know so much about me.  I often felt like we were married to our co-workers. I remember once thinking, we are really family, when I gave David the gynecologist’s report on Malissa that I had already heard from Sherry but that he had not received yet.
  • Our common experiences continue to be our common concerns. When together, we talk about the people in Germany–who is faithful, who is struggling–and the church situations there.

What am I saying about friendship? Just this. It is not about finding perfect friends, soulmates, etc. If you are given such, you are doubly blessed. You should, rather, go ahead and invest the time and effort it takes with the people God has thrown you together with, commit to them, and resolve the inevitable conflicts so that there is no division among you. Then, after forty years, you will still be friends!

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