Mark's Blog

Today is our 40^th wedding anniversary!  Forty years! I don’t even feel that old—but we weren’t that young when we got married, so I guess we are. But we have been blessed beyond our imagination with everything that comes with a marriage from God.

I told most of the story last year on our 39^th, so go back to April 2010 if you want to read the story of our wedding—it’s fun!  The starting is always fun and beautiful. The staying is the real story. Today, I’d like to reflect on why we have been able to stay married for 40 years.

1.            Let God choose your mate! I do believe in arranged marriages—God arranged. I can’t say that I wasn’t looking for a wife—but I wasn’t trying to make it happen either. You remember how Abraham got a little impatient and thought he would figure out how God probably was going to re-arrange things to provide an heir by making his household servant the heir of promise instead of the son God had promised. Lots of good Christian people make the same mistake. They pray that God will give them a wonderful partner for life—and then they panic when it doesn’t happen on their time schedule! They force it, they settle, they supplement—none of which show confidence in God.  Now God overcame Abraham’s momentary lapse and he can that of you and/or your children, but wait on God and He will provide

I graduated from college with plans to leave in two years for Germany with a mission team of four couples—and me—without even a girlfriend. I had barely dated my senior year because I was waiting for someone.  I also believe you will know when your prayer is answered: Sherrylee tells a different story, but I think I knew almost from the day I met her that she was the one! We dated long distance over the next year, so there were ample opportunities to be distracted, but I can say for my part, I believed in faith then and after 40 years now know that she was the God-given answer to my prayers. She was the only plan!

2.            We learned to talk to each other! At first this meant that we just enjoyed talking about almost anything.  With her in Florida and me in Mississippi for almost the whole time we dated, we drove a lot together—and never ran out of things to talk about.  But later–more importantly–I think we learned then to talk about the unpleasant things: our irritations with each other, our disappointments with each other, our different feelings about the way our life together was going!  Sherrylee taught me this! I brought nothing about self-disclosure or open, honest conversation about difficulties to our marriage. In fact, she forced me to learn to do this—and I’m eternally grateful—because I don’t know how couples can stay together through the hard stuff of every marriage if either of them has not learned to talk about it.

3.            We learned that conflict did not have to be destructive! Sherrylee is passionate and I am stubborn. When we fight, it tends to be passionate and loud!  My parents always went to the bedroom to “talk,” but since Sherrylee and I have worked together publicly most of our lives, we have not had that luxury. Our children have seen us fight and our staff has seen us in conflict—but while it is not pretty, I think neither our children nor our staff has ever felt like we did not love and respect each other.

4.            We have not let our lives take separate paths! Again, I thank God for Sherrylee because she, more than I, has been the one who did not let me develop my own little “work” world. She consciously joined me in the early days of LST, becoming the first employee of LST, and she will tell you that it was because she did not want our lives growing apart.  Men have to consciously include their wives and wives should persist in defending their right to be included in every area of their husband’s life—no exceptions!   This doesn’t mean you are never apart—just that there is no area of your life that is hidden or off limits or “none of your business” to your spouse.

5.            We remind each other of God’s goodness, not just on the good days, but on the horribly dark days as well. Sometimes people look at our marriage and our family and our life from the outside and they see a Disney storybook—but I will tell you that no one leads a storybook life—you haven’t and we haven’t.  We have had very serious issues with work, employment, ministry, our children’s health, our own health, our finances, we have been painfully attacked by people we thought loved us, we have been accused of evil that we did not do—but we have not yet lost a firm belief in the goodness of God. Part of the reason I have not become cynical is because Sherrylee’s presence in my life reminds me that has not withheld His richest blessings from me!

I know there are wonderful Christians whose marriages have been disasters.  I know there are wonderful Christian parents whose children are not good and who have left God. I don’t know why! What I do know is that God loves you and is doing everything in His power to bless you. Don’t lose faith! Don’t lose hope!

We are all living the lives God has given us through His grace and mercy. All I can really say to you who are seeking a 40-year marriage and having a hard go at it, is to echo the words of Jesus: seek first His kingdom — and all these things will be given to you – somehow!

Sherrylee are starting today on the next 40!

“Father, be our faithful Guide through the days or years of the rest of our lives together!”