He and his wife had been close family friends. He was a well-respected preacher for one of the better congregations in town. Then he became one of my heroes when he and his family moved to a foreign country and became missionaries. His reports were what helped kindle the fire for missions in my own heart.
It’s an all too familiar story. I don’t know the details, but he was caught up in adultery, his wife and children left him, he lost his support, returned to the States pretty broken–a minister who had lost his way, his family, his work, his life. You’ve seen this too.
Years later, I was visiting with him and his second wife. He had found a humanitarian organization that would support him to work in a small village in a third world country, so he, now late in years, was leaving the States, having sold insurance to make a living for a couple of decades, finally able to use his marvelous gifts in a special way for God again. He will work anonymously there and probably die there—he and his second wife. I’m thankful for his redemption—and mine.
The one time that we visited just before he left, he made a special point to say, “Mark, I want you to know that although we love each other, both of us realize that our sins against God and our mates were terrible. The cost of what we lost and the damage to others which we inflicted can only be forgiven, never repaid. “
It’s not law that we need to stop the tidal wave of divorce; it’s not judgment! It’s Truth! Speaking the truth in love is what will set us free!
If you are divorced, please do not hear my plea as judgment; rather, join me in saying that Sin causes divorce. And God hates Sin! And the consequences of Sin are pain, destruction, even death without the Grace of God.
If you were sinned against, then you know better than anyone why God hates Divorce.
If you sinned against your spouse, then you know better than anyone how destructive guilt and shame are and why God hates Divorce.
Tell the truth in love, if you want to teach your children and mine to hate Divorce.
Tell your friends who are thinking about divorce the honest truth. Talk to them about Sin, not happiness. Unmask the lies they are telling themselves. Describe the loss and destruction—the collateral damage to their children, their friends, their church.
No matter what we do, there will be spouses who must escape from abusive relationships, dangerous relationships, who are abandoned or betrayed. Divorce is part of our broken world that we all are enduring until the Lord comes again and makes everything right.
But I do believe we Christians can be a part of that redemptive process now by teaching our children and teens and young singles and young couples and marrieds and parents and classics that God hates divorce!
Mark's Blog 
I think you need to ‘study to show yourself approved unto God, a workman that needs not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.’ You have said this:
[Arbitrary? It is arbitrary to call one thing sin and another not. I find the world perfect and in need of no change. All is good. I would have no way of calling one thing bad and another good. It takes a Christian to think the world is a bad place. I cannot imagine anythng better than life as it is.]
Your word will judge you in that day as you stand before the great white throne, dear sir.
Yes, it does take a Christian to think the world is a bad place. I can imagine a world wherein dwells righteousness, because that is the kind of world Christ went to prepare for those who appreciate His words and commands, and obey them.
You have gone totally against what the scriptures say about marriage, divorce and remarriage, and you condone the breaking of the sacred vows take by two people when they marry before God and man.
God says those vows are not to be broken except for one cause, and the one put away, who marries again, commits adultery, but you, Sir, don’t even seem to believe there IS any sin, period! Men can divorce their wives and be friends with them, and marry, it seems as many times as he wants to! He can go out and commit fornication, and when his wife divorces him, he will then look for another wife and another, as long as he wants to. That, Sir, is ‘living in sin’ – ‘God forbid’ were Paul’s words, But it seems that they are not your words.
This is why you ”study to show yourself approved unto God, a workman that needs not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.’
God will be your judge as to the sentence you will receive unless you repent, and repentance means more than just saying ‘I’m sorry.’ It means that you stop leading men and women astray.
Sin is created by labeling something as sin.
“The mark is not set for the purpose of missing the aim; therefore the nature of evil does not exist in the world” –Epictetus
Divorce does not have to be a big, bad thing. It is normal. It is part of life. It only creates pain if that is our opinion of it. It is not painful, bad, sinful to change addressess or a job. Changing spouses need be no more tramatic. Only our opinion makes it so. Same thing with death or any other “evil” so called. People can get all bent out of shape about death and call it bad and trajic, but it is a necessary and good part of life. It is good that all things die.
Arbitrary? It is arbitrary to call one thing sin and another not. I find the world perfect and in need of no change. All is good. I would have no way of calling one thing bad and another good. It takes a Christian to think the world is a bad place. I cannot imagine anythng better than life as it is.
Been divorced twice, once after 7 years and happy marriage and once after 27 years of happy marriage. Still good friends with both exes whom I love and appreciate. Divorce is not bad, but only our opinion of it. Marriages that end in divorce are just as common as those who do not, so it must be fairly normal and routine. It appears to me that it is a sin to those who must find sin in every difference.
Howard, people don’t create sin; only people who believe in God believe in sin. Is “normal and routine” the measure of morality that you are using? Isn’t that a little arbitrary?
Mark,
You are so right on. The damage I caused my daughter will live on for generations. I hope and pray for any couples that are contemplating divorce, please seek God’s word and know that every couple goes through difficult times. Statistics have shown that most couples that almost divorced and decided to stay together (even for the children) say “5 years later they are so glad they did not get a divorce”.
So, please keep your covenant with God because you, your children and your children’s children will be blessed.
Matt: 19:26 – With God all things are possible.
Denise Ferrill